The girls over at SITS are hosting a Back to Blogging series of challenges this week that encourage us to get back into the habit of frequently posting and commenting now that summer has ended. This is just the sort of motivation I need to jump start my regular posting regime.
Here's today's challenge: To re-upload a post you wish more people had paid attention to…
Here's mine.
Post Date: Sunday, October 25, 2009
Title: Lessons learned
I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately. Going over the events of the past 29 months. Wondering why I've been chosen to endure 3 heartbreaking deaths in a 26 month period. Why was I dealt this hand of cards and more importantly, what am I to learn from this pain and grief?
Here's what I've learned:
1) Pain is personal. How we deal with it is an individual matter. Dealing with grief and recovering from loss is defined differently by all of us. We can't expect everyone to conform to our expectations of grief. It can't be rushed. You can't put a time frame on it, but you can't suppress it either. There is a necessity in grieving a loss.
2) People, with good intentions, try to lighten death and make us feel better with words. But there's nothing light about death. Saying "He or she is in a better place" is no comfort to me. I don't want them in a better place. I want them with me. Spending holidays, birthdays, vacations with me. Watching my daughters grow, attending preschool, elementary, high school and college graduations.
3) How you choose to deal with pain can define the rest of your life. If given lemons, would you make lemonade or let the lemons rot? You can wallow in grief and self-pity or you can confront them head on and not allow them to take control of your livelihood. Believe me, this isn't an easy choice for a griever. In most cases, self-pity is the easier path. It's the one that, at that very moment, makes us feel good. But long term it's the worst decision we can make for ourselves. It can have devastating effects.
The hardest decisions and choices to make are probably the right ones.
4) Strength and character are a direct result of pain and adversity. Isn't there a saying, "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger?" It's so true.
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Nothing can ease grief. But the manner in which we approach it can make the difference between surviving it and being swallowed by it. If my advice and the lessons I've learned can help just one person, I've accomplished my goal for this re-post.
Not only does this challenge help you get back into a posting and commenting routine, but it will also enter you into a drawing to win a Turquoise Sky Washer and Dryer from Electrolux. This event is sponsored by SITS, Standards of Excellence, Westar Kitchen and Bath, and Florida Builder Appliances.
2 comments
Very touching post Sheila. Definitely a good choice for putting out there a second time.
I have to tell you, what you say in your bio about having your life to work and not wanting to miss this time with your kids? That is the same thought that went through my head when I recently decided to take a break from work and stay home for awhile as well.
I'm a follower now. :-)
I enjoyed this post very much. Thanks for resharing.
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