0 to 5 in 60 seconds

Let me start by saying that I've been writing this post for about 3 weeks now. Every time I've opened it, I've started to meltdown, and I quickly have to close it and move on to something else that is less emotionally moving for me.

Today, I finally sat down to finish it. I may or may not have had some tissues at the ready.

Almost 2 months ago, Harper turned 5. I'm still trying to process this, which is why I haven't written about it. When I sit down to write about it, I become sentimental and emotional.  This week, as I finish completing registration forms for Kindergarten, it's been on my mind constantly.

I can't figure out how she's gone from 0 to 5 in 60 seconds. Not 60 months, but what seems like 60 seconds. It makes me recall a conversation I had with my dad about 15 years ago. He told me that life literally flies in front of your eyes once you have children. At the time, although I appreciated his words of wisdom, I couldn't relate to them. I wasn't a parent.

Now that I am, I want to stop time in its tracks. Freeze it and bottle it. Put it on a shelf and keep it there forever. Sometimes if I think about the passing of time too much, it freaks me out. Thinking of what's to come overwhelms me. I know there will be a day when neither of my girls needs me. I already see it happening, and it makes me sad.

Whenever I look at pictures of Harper as a baby, I am brought to tears.

From her first very moments of life, I have wondered what kind of person she would grow to be.

I miss my baby.

What I wouldn't give to turn back time, just for one day.

The very thought of this little girl roaming the halls of a school filled with 750 children frightens me.

I know I can't stop time. I can't trap it in a bottle and preserve it forever. Nor would I want to, really. But turn it back for a day? Sure, I'd take that.

I am deeply proud of my daughters and the young ladies they are becoming. I want to be the type of mother who encourages them and supports them in their endeavors. I would never want to hold them back from their potential.

But hold them for an extra 30 seconds during a hug. Yep, you bet I'll always look for an opportunity to do that.