Great Expectations {Random Ramblings}

From the moment we become parents, we have great expectations for ourselves. We want to be all and everything for our children. But sometimes that isn't always feasible. And yet, we still set the bar high for ourselves.

Yesterday was the first day since 2007 that I missed an event at my daughter's elementary school.

It wasn't really a major event such as a classroom party or a show. It was the Scholastic Book Fair for which I have volunteered every spring and fall since my oldest daughter Emma entered kindergarten in September 2007.

Yesterday my youngest daughter Harper's class attended the book fair first thing in the morning, and I was unable to make it due to work commitments.

I was crushed. But I couldn't make it work. Harper was out sick Monday, and Emma was out sick Tuesday. I had to shift my schedule both of those days to accommodate doctor's appointments, make trips to the pharmacy, and to traipse up and down the stairs taking temperatures and administering medications.

Harper hopped on the bus that morning and mouthed "book fair" out the bus window, and that image of her
was stuck in my head all day. For hours later, I couldn't shake the mom guilt. I dwelled on it. I tried to distract myself with my work, but I kept coming back to it.

When she came off the bus, I thought she'd be upset that I wasn't there. I expected puddles on the floor. Surprisingly, she didn't make a mention of it. I asked her how the book fair was, and she excitedly showed me the items that she bought.

I am not going to beat myself up over missing the book fair. I do a lot more for my kids than many parents aren't able to do. I've been a class parent two years in a row. I volunteer for all field trips, and now, with Harper's diabetes, I may be required to attend field trips. Up until now I've made it to every event and often volunteer to help at the events.

I know these things happen, and I also know how lucky I am to work at home and have the chance to attend most of her school events.

Rather than focus negative energy on where I couldn't be and why I couldn't be there, I want to focus my energy on being there when I can and being in the moment while I am there. I want the times that we are together to be so much more memorable than the times we are not.