Falling out of friendship

Monday, March 15, 2010
Do you think it's  possible to fall out of friendship? Aren't we supposed to remain friends? Yes, there are definite no-no's...affairs with friends' husbands, etc. But as long as we remain within the boundaries, shouldn't we always be friends?

I thought so until somewhat recently when I got together with longtime friends. There were 3 of us, and the conversation was flowing nicely. Catching up on each other's lives, sharing personal details, celebrating successes and supporting disappointments are what friendships are all about. There's a certain evolution to friendships. They evolve as we evolve. Our lives change, and we change with them. We expect our friends to change with them as well.
Photo credits: Redbook Magazine

But what do we do when a friend resists the evolution of another friend? In my case, my friend was stuck in our high school days. I don't necessarily mean that she wanted to constantly discuss the good ol' days. It was more about her attitude and her mindset. We started talking about Facebook and reconnecting with classmates. She said she had absolutely no desire to see anyone other than the people at the table that evening. She recalled how certain people acted in high school and assumed that they still acted in the same way. Twenty years later? I doubt it.

Thats's when it clicked. She's immediately making an assumption that everyone is that same person because she's basically the same person. My guess is that most of our classmates are not the same people they were in high school. Events and experiences over the past 20 years have re-shaped and formed us into the people we are today. But she's missing that point, and unfortunately, missing out on some potentially wonderful friendships.

What are your thoughts? Do you think you can fall out of friendship? If so, has it ever happened to you?

1 comment

Anita Hamilton said...

Yes! i think its totally possible! And its so freaky weird to see your friend involve into someone totally unacceptable aswell. I have a friend who went from this overly shy totally in her shell, scared little thing to this, very in your face, sleep with any guy whos either a rockstar or somehow married crazy life style loving kinda freak. And i still cannot figure out how that happened! We kept in really good contact or so i thought, hence my confusion. She's still sweet and kind to me and lends me her hear when i need though i dont usually need it its the other way around. But theyre something about my friend that now rubs me the wrong way. I realized she changed alot. But i had to understand that i must have changed a great deal too which is why it bothered me in the first place. So we still talk but we live totally separate lives and i prefer to handle her in small doses. You cant change how someone else reacts, you can only change your own reaction to others. Your friend is still your friend she just hasnt grown as a person like you have and you should probably "handle her in small doses" to keep your friendship stable and happy. I really glad to see though that at least you grew as a person, its a wonderful thing, change can be good. Have a fantastic week!

This was a GREAT post.

Much love and many blessings,
~Anita Hamilton